The world is a safe and neutral and secure place, my home a safe haven. People are full of good intentions, and danger only comes to those who are looking for it. That's what my younger self thought. And then … age happens. And that's when you realize that is not always the case.
Some thoughts are not good right before bed. That's why I long ago gave up watching the 11 o'clock news, which is oftentimes filled with stories of violence, sadness or tragedy.
It just doesn't make for a good night's rest. I much prefer a peaceful book or the sound of my noise machine cradling my nerves with its serene sounds of ocean waves or a waterfall.
But the past few nights, I've broken my promise to myself and done two things that are knotting up my bed sheets with all my tossing and turning: one, I watched back-to-back, catch-up episodes of a new series on Showtime called "Homeland," a suspenseful cat-and-mouse whodunit (or more like who's-going-to-do-it) that I am absolutely addicted to, involving the CIA, terror threats and mind games.
The other thing? I'm reading the new book, Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Feelings Betray Us, and I'm having trouble putting it down. A collaboration between Mary Ellen O'Toole, PhD, a retired FBI profiler, and writer Alisa Bowman, it's both eye-opening and provocative—kind of a life guide to staying safe. Don't get me wrong: it's an important book, filled with advice that could protect you or even save your life. But, you might not want to read it right before bed.
Here are just a handful of the many myths about myself that this book has debunked:
- By now, I've had enough life experience to be able to make sensible and sound judgments: size up someone, pick out the liar or steer clear of the psychopath in the crowd.
- Most people are well-intentioned and trustworthy. And if I'm nice, no one will take advantage of me.
- If an intruder comes into my house while I am sleeping, I know how best to handle myself.
- I know how to get the truth out of my husband and find out if he is cheating on me.
- I know how to tell if someone is lying.
- If I'm hiring someone to do work in my house, it's enough to ask someone for a recommendation by asking a few questions like, "What did you think of him?" and "What kind of job did he do?"
- Just because someone is friendly, comes from a good family and looks harmless, they're safe.
- Trusting my gut is good enough.
- Body language speaks volumes. If someone has his or her hands crossed over her chest, she is defensive, closed-minded and a bad communicator.
- I know how to handle myself during an emotional conversation.
It's clear I still have a lot to learn.
And the old saying, "forewarned is forearmed," couldn't be further from the truth.
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